Friday, July 15, 2016

Becoming 40!

What a crazy week this has been.

My eldest son, turned 40 yesterday.

I remember turning 40 and feeling like I had turned a page in my life. The kids were almost adults and soon my house would be quiet and I could spend my days doing whatever I wanted. I was excited for the vision I had in my mind of what being a "real" adult meant. There was no big celebration. In fact, my DH had gotten things a little messed up and gave me a great 40th birthday party the year before! So turning 40 was almost an average day. I never shed a tear!

BUT... my oldest... turning 40! I have done nothing but cry all week!

I have spent almost a week digging through old pictures, looking at pictures, sorting pictures and taking pictures of old pictures, of Kris growing up, his brother being born... then his sister...


Sometimes, I couldn't see for the tears that remembered the moments!

Then there was grade 8 graduation and then high school graduation and everything in between. The memories were overwhelming.

Then his brother got married, then his sister...

Then a few short years ago, he found the woman of his dreams and...

Well, a "son is a son, until he finds him a wife" but for some reason, although I love his wife dearly, this week, I wanted him back. 

I wanted to be watching him as he took his first steps. I wanted his first time on a swing, his first day of school, his first time on skates, his first time he got lost in the store, his first time on a rollercoaster, his first hockey game, his first goal, his first time at the drive-in, his first time eating banana popsicles, his first girlfriend, his first day at University, his first job, his first everything! I wanted him to be my little boy again. I wanted to do it all over again. So...

I went and found all those firsts in the huge box of pictures I had stowed away in a closet. I scanned and edited and dated and sorted and cried. I made a slide show, and watched it a dozen times.  And I cried every time. I set it to the song, "The way you are" And I cried. I kept saying to everyone, "I am making a slide show for Kris of all his pictures growing up".  And I cried.

But after it was all done, and I had sent it too him, I came to an astounding realization.  I had really made it for me! He was turning 40 and I had forgotten who he was and where he had been. I needed to take the time to walk back through his life, to enjoy the moments that I had forgotten so I could enjoy the accomplishments of his life. And I cried, and laughed and smiled and... remembered, the joy, the sorrow and most importantly the unconditional love we have for each other. 

So yesterday is gone, and today I have given him back to his wife. He belongs there in the present. In 23 years since I turned 40, I have done many things and I think I have learned more than I did in the first 40 years of my life. Turning 40 was a great moment  and I am sure that it will be a great moment in his life too.

Happy 40th Birthday Kris! Enjoy!

On another note... last night I went off to my Thursday night sewing group. Didn't feel like it but I forced myself out the door and I had a great time. I have some great friends! 

And I made a bowl. I hated the idea up until I started working on it, but it was fun! I don't know what I am going to do with it, but whatever it is, I will love it forever, because it will be my memory of how I spent Kris's 40th birthday! LOL And I have pictures...

The "40th" bowl 

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